Flying Solo
When I turned 34, I seemed to hit the questioning point in my life. All kinds of questions like do I want to start dating again, do I even want to get married? Do I want to have a baby, and what about my career? As I analyzed the answers it became clear that I needed to make some changes in my life.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate men. Oh no, to the contrary. I think they are beautiful works of art and have even had periods of fun with them. Usually when I am solo, I am extremely happy and at my best but upon entering a relationship, something somehow gets lost. I lose my identity and my happiness in the process. I’m not sure if it is me or him but something seems to go awry.
I haven’t always felt like this. I started dating when I was 17 and had my first real boyfriend when I was 20. I’ve always wanted a career and I wanted to get married. Like many women, the plan was college, career, marriage and then two kids. At least the career part of the plan worked out!
I’ve dated a strong of Mr. Wrongs over the years, leaving me to wonder if there was something wrong with me. I’ve tried expanding my horizons and have experimented with all kinds of ways to meet eligible guys. I’ve allowed my friends to arrange blind dates, I’ve done the club and bar scene, I attend church. I even signed up for an internet dating service and answered personal ads from the newspaper!
And though the travelling was fun; I met a lot of really interesting people, my social life was beginning to resemble a roller coaster. Lots of highs, followed by lots of lows. Sure, being young is all about having fun, but as I got older I began to mature.
Somehow adulthood snuck up on me. Given that I was busy growing my career, putting food on the table and paying the bills, it’s not surprising that I really didn’t notice. But there came a day when it just wasn’t cute or funny when my boyfriend came home wasted. Nor was it funny when he sat across the restaurant table from me and flirted with other women.
Reluctantly, I have decided to “throw in the towel”, hang up my shoestrings”, “retire my jersey”, and so on and so on. I have decided to grow old gracefully and single. The good part is that I look forward to not having to share my bed, or possibly deal with someone else’s problems. The sad part is that there will be very little or even no more being awakened at 2:00 in the morning for lovemaking. Oh well, thank goodness for the specialty catalogues and AA batteries!
I feel pretty good about myself. I no longer have to worry about my guy being unfaithful or being reminded of how pretty I was when we first met. I have a full live, with a great career and wonderful friends. Besides, being single doesn’t rule out an occasional steamy love affair. With that in mind, my solo days are off to a flying start, at least for now.
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